A Travellerspoint blog

Sliced and Diced.

My people. My passion. My path

sunny 50 °F

The Scene

When: 11:30pm. 5 hours before scheduled arrival time to hospital

Where: The streets of Boston, North End.

Who: Three of my nearest and dearest, who took me out, made me laugh and snuggled all over me - keeping me happy and distracted the night before my surgery.

Dialogue: "Wait. Umm...It looks like Umass Medical Memorial Campus is not here in Boston, it's uhhhh.....back in Worchester*."
"What. The. Fuck. How do I not know what CITY my surgery is scheduled in!?" "Seriously. You can't make this shit up"

  • for the CO crew it is pronounced 'Wooster'

So. We laughed a bit, set our alarms for even earlier in the wee hours and hunkered down for a couple hours of sleep before driving back in the direction I had started in. Navigation has never been a strong suit. Always thankful for old friends and new beginnings.

Anyways. I made it where I needed to be, for when I needed to be there, and by 7:30am I was laughing hysterically, in a super sexy hospital johnny asking the birth dates of everyone on my surgical team...then came 'lights out'. By 10am I was groggy, repaired and EXHAUSTED.

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  • rest easy, just a little cornea irritation warranted this bad ass eye patch.

Now. Other stuff.

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Summer turned into fall.

Had some big realizations of what it is that I love doing, and the direction I want to go. I also remembered that the people in my life are the best kind of friends because where we are just doesn't matter...Colorado, Massachusetts, Anywhere in between, If it's been 4 months or 14 years, somethings never change and that is amazing. Priceless.
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I learned a lot, lead a lot, grew a lot.

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Early Morning Meeting

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Kennebec River Trip.
Outdoor Wilderness Leaders 'Start the Year Off Right Trip'

Afternoon Commute

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Kayaking Day Camp Program

Business Trip

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Different office, Different day
NAUI Scuba Instructor Course

Oh. And.
This happened, and now I need to learn to sail.
The power, pulse and peacefulness of the ocean is where I feel at home.
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Hmm...I wonder if I know anyone who can teach a girl to sail..

Quote of the moment:
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Countdown:
Embracing each day as it comes. Countdown free. But, I mean technically....if we WERE going to be counting down something it would likely be Surfing in Panama. And in that case it's 3,352 hours. #recovertosurf

Cheers to peace, patience and recovering little by little
Aubs

Posted by AubreyJ 03:28 Archived in USA Tagged me landscapes beaches art home nature beach travel airport fun family massachusetts friendship boating coffee competition hospital fitness action strength laughter surgery repair quotes dreams inspiration recovery introspection leadership fantasy inspire motivation choices best_friends east_coast caffeine being_scared being_strong instincts emotional_wellbeing athlete_problems funny_story umass labral hips Comments (0)

You Know My Hips Don't Lie

Shakira Shakira

sunny 70 °F

Ready. Set. Go.

Physical Therapist:
"Aubrey what are your athletic goals right now?"

Me: (Laying on table getting poked and prodded)
"I.....I....(sob)....don't have any..."

Physical Therapist:
Silently thinks {Why the F did I ask that question}

First, let's back that ass up.

I have just finished 8 weeks of Physical Therapy - for the 'ol hip labral tear. Now, before this diagnosis I wasn't really sure what the heck a 'labrum' was or what it did. Basically it provides the hip joint with stability, padding and lubrication....three important things. I've had hip pain on and off for a couple years now, and it just got to the point where the 'on' was too much and too often. I went in for the MRI in February and even though I could hear myself say out loud to people "yeah, just going in to rule out worst case scenario, no big deal' - - - I knew that was a lie.

Although that statement to my PT was not entirely true....sometimes my path feels very uncertain, and I am not sure what I am working towards. I've been using the word 'limbo' a lot, and not in the bend your back awkwardly to get under a broom stick kind of way. Along with 'transitioning' and certainly not talking about how fast I can take off my helmet and put on my run shoes.....It's just a weird space these days.

Not having all the information to this puzzle makes developing concrete performance based goals very hard. So....In response to that issue I am 'unplugging' from ALL my training gizmos and gadgets.

When my legs hurt I know I am pushing good watts, when my lats are sore I know I swam well and when my heart is beating hard I know I am happy. (and if I don't want to do a damn thing...I don't) Yep. That did include a 3.5 week absence from the water. For right now this is my plan, go ahead fellow boulder athletes judge me all you'd like. It's where I am right now. *The glass half full part of me DID lock in some races, June 28th will be numero uno. Hoping for the best.

More Conversations

5th Person In One Day: "So many athletes have labral tears, and they don't even know it...or it doesn't affect them"
Me: Forcing out a constipated smile "Yeah, so I've heard....guess it's a bit of a mystery" *Meanwhile thinking: "Yeah, well good for f-ing them, because mine is very f-ing noticeable you $%#^& piece of #%$^, stop talking to me!"

  • Clearly that last little episode occurred while going thru the 'anger' stage of the Kubler-Ross model 'five stages of grief'. I have since progressed my way into bargaining, hoping to bypass depression and go straight into acceptance.

Next Moves:

1. Embrace this time of transition and focus on LIVING a fuller life: More adventure, more wine, more starry nights, more rock.
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2. Listen to my body, stay fit, challenge myself in NEW ways: Yoga, Hikes, Climbing, Mtn Bikes....all with just damn good people.
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3. Fully exit the 'denial' stage and develop my plan of action: Get a 2nd opinion on surgery options. Remembering it is not all about athletics...this decision also is about preserving the vitality of my hip joint. Gotta be able to shakey-shake these hips when I'm old and grey.

Other Notable News

I am spending the summer in Massachusetts. Want to know why?
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Because Life Is Short

Sometimes you just gotta get drunk on a Wednesday, eat a burrito and celebrate everything you DO have in your life. Like this girl.
Oh. But don't drink wine from Kitchen Next Door until its happy hour! #epicfail
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Quote of the moment:
"Sometimes I can't help but feel really sad for our planet"
-Emmett. (5yrs old)

Cheers to peace, moving forward and taking time to look at the stars,
Aubrey

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Posted by AubreyJ 21:48 Archived in USA Comments (2)

Trifectas - Things I Know, In 3's

....and the fact that right now it feels like there are only 3 things

sunny 50 °F

Writing is just good.
Sometimes writing fast, faster than you can think really helps you realize what is important.

So. I played a little game.
I listed out a few titles, and then filled in the blanks as fast as I could type, no thinking, no hesitation.
Just searching out the real.

Things I Love
-My Family.
-My Friends.
-Being Outside.

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Things I am scared of
-Not making a difference in the lives of others.
-Being so critical of myself that nothing will ever be enough.
-When my body can't do what I want it to.

Places I Feel Free
-In the saddle with the sun on my jersey and tunes in my ears
-The last 20 steps away from a summit, the longer it took to get there the better the feeling.
-Underwater, blowing bubbles somewhere beautiful on SCUBA

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What makes me laugh (until it hurts)
-My girls. You know who you are....and how good those explosive laughing fits are.
-When I do stupid things, like spend 10 minutes looking for keys while holding them, or going to put on socks when I'm already wearing them.
-When my mom and I get rolling in our British accents...the more public and inappropriate the conversation the better.

Things I need more of
-Direction
-Affection
-Spontaneity

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Lies I Tell Myself
I stared at this one for a long time....and while I am not ready to write these things out. I know what they are. I know how and why I manipulate my own thoughts. I know this isn't a particularly healthy, wise or strong feature....but I also know that to some extent we all do it. The ability to acknowledge that this happens is the first step. I've made it to that.

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How do I Take Action:
1. I am getting rid of something everyday that has been lying around my house, unused and adding to the clutter of my life.
2. Recognizing that I am a better person when I leave my phone behind. Trying to make more efforts to leave it behind during work, hikes and runs.
3. I care too much about what other people think of me / my choices and my abilities. When I think the reality is that actually 90% of people....just don't give a fuck....as reflected by the uncanny ability to redirect entire conversations to themselves, their path, and their choices when you are simply trying to express how you feel about your own situation.

Exciting Things
3 days of Climbing in MOAB, UTAH!
Yeah. CLIMBING! It's about damn time I get back onto some rock.

Florida. Florida. Florida. Over a week of playing in the sun with one of my favorite people. This will be the first year in 6 years that I don't race St. Anthonys Triathlon...my hip isn't up to the task right now, but I am focused on re-building, getting strong and having a fun, late starting season. Also, I'm pretty sure I can be a rockin' support team for R.J. We do race days pretty well <3

Glacier National Park.
Just saying. It's been written down on a calendar......cough, cough....Amanda!!!!

Quote of the Day:
"Dare to challenge visions and perceptions...Live dangerously by caring passionately!"
-T. Scott Cook

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Just Because.

Cheers to peace, change and fun
Aubs

Posted by AubreyJ 20:46 Archived in USA Comments (0)

Rock & Roll - Sun & Snow

Juggling Balls & Dodging Needles

sunny 20 °F

December & January

Three Places. Three Take-A-Ways
1. Canada for Christmas.
Pepe: "How happy are you on a scale of 1-10?"
Me: " A 12" (When my Pepe asked me about RJ) I'd say that accurately sums up that trip.

2. Massachusetts. I'm thankful that no matter how long (or short) my visits back home are, Nick and I never fail to have a long run and a coffee together. This time around we had to forgo the quality of Mrs. Murphys and settle for a Dunks in the truck, but it was great. "Dunks in the truck" Hmm....I feel like I'm knocking on the door of an epic hip hop jam.

3. Bonaire. I don't get to spend nearly enough time with my mom & dad. The week was spent with lot's of time blowing bubbles, open water swimming and just one quick trip to the Emergency Room.
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Now that the summary is out of the way. Let's take a peak at the present.
And Yes, I know, that was not the most worthy summary to encompass these past couple months.

Balls.
I recently realized that I might have too many balls in the air.
Too much going on, too many responsibilities, too many people waiting on me for something....
So. I'm streamlining. Embracing the selfish and remembering that this year is about creating a career.

Needles
I was all prepared to go get my MRI on last week....going to the hospital with out my mom or a significant other was a new experience. After the mornings power test on the bike I was totally prepared to be tough. Then I found out that the contrast dye needed to be injected directly into my hip joint via the monster daddy of all syringes. Phew. That was a curve ball. With tears streaming down my face I made continuous jokes with the doctor in effort to diffuse my own anxiety. Ultimately, I survived unscathed.

Next, it was time to enter the 'waiting period' AKA call imaging department every 2 hours over the next 36 hours. You know what they say, the squeaky wheel gets the fastest radiologist reading.
Results: Not ideal but not the end of the world. Doing my best to stay on track until we figure out the next step....even though sometimes I just want to run away back to Bonaire and never look back.

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When we do have to be inside, thankful for the Apex crew.
Resources. Inspiration. Friendship. Goals

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Winter has finally arrived in Boulder but I am ready for summer.

Cheers to peace, overcoming obstacles and comfy clothes,
~Aubs

Posted by AubreyJ 16:44 Archived in USA Tagged beaches snow home nature beach travel colorado new year family run swimming massachusetts living bike friendship cycling health running strength healthy independence dreams inspiration triathlon inspire motivation choices progress east_coast growing_up multisport. caffeine being_scared being_strong live_big trainining open_water_swimming swim_bike_run athlete_problems open_water Comments (0)

What happens in Key West stays in Key West.

Actually, No. These memories will last a lifetime.

sunny 65 °F

First: Little Tidbits Of Travel

Assorted airports and assorted quotes that sums up 6 flights. Yes, it took 6 different planes to get to and from Key West.

TEXAS:
“Name one food you can’t put bacon on and it will taste better”

Q: May I just have an omelet with all the veggie options you have?
A: Well, we can do onions and bacon.
Q: Umm…let’s skip the bacon, and how about some of the other options from other places on the menu…peppers,,,broccoli
A: Ok. onions, tomato and bacon
Thought: We aren’t in boulder anymore Toto.

DENVER:
“I’ve just found this to be a good use of time while I’m waiting to board….”
-Says the man who is (literally) bicep curling his carryon bag.

MIAMI:
“Awwwww hell no….I did not just only bring my short lashes” <crisis mode voice> Says the woman gluing eyelashes on in the public bathroom.

Shuttle 1 of 4:
“Insert Video Clip Here (If I had one)” Of the shuttle driver belting out some pretty intense ‘praise to the kingdom’ ‘amen’ ‘hallejuigh, love thy savior’ jams at 3:45am. #americanidolworthy #myfillofreligionfortheyear

SILLY LIFE OBSERVATIONS:

1. Dear You: Just take the entire cookie. Because you know when you break it in half, and leave one half behind….It is only a matter of time until you go back, break that half in half and….Seriously ¾ of a cookie!? Who does that. (Yeahh…you know you do…it’s ok, we all do)

2.Your ‘delicates’ and ‘tech clothes’ getting hung to dry is a direct reflection as to how much spare time you have on laundry day. AKA, I’ve got 90 seconds before I have to leave…screw it it’s all going in the dryer.

METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING….

Life is a river...It is not a straight line.
Don't take yourself too seriously. Have fun. Be silly.
Being scared is ok, it means you care.
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In kayaking we would rate rivers by class, but not just the rapid itself. A section could be “Class IV” for example, but with “class V” consequences. Meaning there was something about the rapid that if you were to get into a bad spot the repercussions were more dangerous than the technical skills required to get through. Maybe there were under cut rocks, or some strainers (downed trees) Before putting in it all comes down to, “Is it worth it?” ”Is it worth the risk”. You would make that decision knowing that once you dropped in, you were committed to paddle your little butt to the best of your ability, and have an intense amount of fun while doing it….because something about the sport brings you great joy.
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Maybe it’s inexplicable. Maybe it doesn’t make sense to you all the time. Perhaps when you think about it you can’t pin point the how or the why it makes you so happy. Why are you wiling to devote so much time to the river?

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I've been thinking about how scary and confusing it can be to begin to let someone into your life, and into your heart…..like on the river, there is a similar level of uncertainty..of risk. It is something that takes time, energy and commitment to make forward progress. Maybe sometimes in life we need to stop all the calculating and just drop into the river, not knowing exactly what each rapid ahead holds…but knowing that at the end of the day it is worth it…because being there brings you great joy and that is enough.
#LifeIsARiver #GoGetWet

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Quote Of The Moment

"We are all afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to us. Caring is not synonymous with crazy. Expressing to someone how special they are to you will make you vulnerable. There is no denying that. However, that is nothing to be ashamed of. There is something breathtakingly beautiful in the moments of smaller magic that occur when you strip down and are honest with those who are important to you. Let that someone know that they inspire you. Tell your mother you love her in front of your friends. Express, express, express. Open yourself up, do not harden yourself to the world, and be bold in who, and how, you love. There is courage in that." #MakeYourOwnPath #BeBold #BeBrilliant #NeverSettle

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Key West Tri

I created a roller-coaster for myself the week leading into this trip. Understatement. Debating on whether I want to race, whether I wanted to go, dreading travel, totally fighting getting sick, and just feeling 'off'.

When push came to shove / it came time for the aircraft doors to close….I stayed in my seat, found a big smile and got ready for a 12 hour travel adventure.

My hesitations about traveling were quickly resolved as soon as I found myself in RJs arms at the Miami airport. Feeling sick lingered, and not wanting to race hung around even longer…essentially right up until the gun went off.

I told myself that there are going to be days where my mind just doesn’t want to show up, and you need to make yourself race well and get over it. So, the day became about finding focus, finding good form and having fun. 3 successful missions. I had the 2nd fastest swim out of the men and women, 14th fastest bike and 3rd fasted run. Playing catch up to the boys and placing 3rd overall , 1st out of the women. It was a tiny race, 500 people total but just like all the races I’ve done this year it became a good learning / building block for next season.
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In some ways it was a confidence boost and in many others a reality check…..I realize the amount of work, progress and improvement that needs to happen. I also realize that I am on a time sensitive path, and with how high I am reaching I can’t afford to waste time, energy or resources. I feel pretty lucky to be surrounded by such a supportive network at home and abroad….

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That night we tore it up in the streets as a band played downtown Key West,. A couple of lone dancers we were as everyone else stood on the curb, head bobbing and foot-tapping with enthusiasm along to the music. Super lame. They were missing out, not us ; ) We were (per usual) just a couple of crazy kids, out to have a good time and make the most of our time together.

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The next day I woke up early to ride and then the four of us (RJ & his folks) spent the day snorkeling, kayaking, sailing, and playing in the ocean. Oh and we went para-sailing, no big deal ; ) It was the “ultimate adventure day” – literally. That is what the package was called….and appropriately named for sure. Saw a turtle and reef shark while snorkeling, got me excited to do some diving in Bonaire next month.

I suppose that is enough for today…since my battery is about kicked.

Quote of the Moment:
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Cheers to sunrise rides, caring deeply and laughing until it hurts,
Aubs

Posted by AubreyJ 06:04 Archived in USA Tagged me mountains beaches home beach travel vacation colorado airport sunrise friends kayaking fun family run share men living bike friendship cycling airports traveling training competition boulder fitness action running strength racing laughter independence whitewater baggage races quotes dreams flor learning goals inspiration triathlon fantasy motivation choices multisport. caffeine being_scared being_strong random_facts bike_racing instincts live_big race_day emotional_wellbeing open_water_swimming self_reflection swim_bike_run athlete_problems open_water funny_story Comments (1)

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