You Know My Hips Don't Lie

Ready. Set. Go.

Physical Therapist:
"Aubrey what are your athletic goals right now?"

Me: (Laying on table getting poked and prodded)
"I.....I....(sob)....don't have any..."

Physical Therapist:
Silently thinks {Why the F did I ask that question}

First, let's back that ass up.

I have just finished 8 weeks of Physical Therapy - for the 'ol hip labral tear. Now, before this diagnosis I wasn't really sure what the heck a 'labrum' was or what it did. Basically it provides the hip joint with stability, padding and lubrication....three important things. I've had hip pain on and off for a couple years now, and it just got to the point where the 'on' was too much and too often. I went in for the MRI in February and even though I could hear myself say out loud to people "yeah, just going in to rule out worst case scenario, no big deal' - - - I knew that was a lie.

Although that statement to my PT was not entirely true....sometimes my path feels very uncertain, and I am not sure what I am working towards. I've been using the word 'limbo' a lot, and not in the bend your back awkwardly to get under a broom stick kind of way. Along with 'transitioning' and certainly not talking about how fast I can take off my helmet and put on my run shoes.....It's just a weird space these days.

Not having all the information to this puzzle makes developing concrete performance based goals very hard. So....In response to that issue I am 'unplugging' from ALL my training gizmos and gadgets.

When my legs hurt I know I am pushing good watts, when my lats are sore I know I swam well and when my heart is beating hard I know I am happy. (and if I don't want to do a damn thing...I don't) Yep. That did include a 3.5 week absence from the water. For right now this is my plan, go ahead fellow boulder athletes judge me all you'd like. It's where I am right now. *The glass half full part of me DID lock in some races, June 28th will be numero uno. Hoping for the best.

More Conversations

5th Person In One Day: "So many athletes have labral tears, and they don't even know it...or it doesn't affect them"
Me: Forcing out a constipated smile "Yeah, so I've heard....guess it's a bit of a mystery" *Meanwhile thinking: "Yeah, well good for f-ing them, because mine is very f-ing noticeable you $%#^& piece of #%$^, stop talking to me!"

• Clearly that last little episode occurred while going thru the 'anger' stage of the Kubler-Ross model 'five stages of grief'. I have since progressed my way into bargaining, hoping to bypass depression and go straight into acceptance.

Next Moves:

1. Embrace this time of transition and focus on LIVING a fuller life: More adventure, more wine, more starry nights, more rock.

2. Listen to my body, stay fit, challenge myself in NEW ways: Yoga, Hikes, Climbing, Mtn Bikes....all with just damn good people.

3. Fully exit the 'denial' stage and develop my plan of action: Get a 2nd opinion on surgery options. Remembering it is not all about athletics...this decision also is about preserving the vitality of my hip joint. Gotta be able to shakey-shake these hips when I'm old and grey.

Other Notable News

I am spending the summer in Massachusetts. Want to know why?

Because Life Is Short

Sometimes you just gotta get drunk on a Wednesday, eat a burrito and celebrate everything you DO have in your life. Like this girl.
Oh. But don't drink wine from Kitchen Next Door until its happy hour! #epicfail

Quote of the moment:
"Sometimes I can't help but feel really sad for our planet"
-Emmett. (5yrs old)

Cheers to peace, moving forward and taking time to look at the stars,
Aubrey